Am I just an average Christian? –A Satire

I have accepted the Lord as my Lord my savior. I am saved. When I get up every morning, I say my prayers. I thank God for all that He has done for me. I read a Bible passage from Bible. I say grace before every meal. I go to church on Sunday. In fact, I am an usher at my church.  I do everything I can to be a good Christian.

Last Saturday I took my girlfriend out to see a movie that was very highly regarded and is supposed to be a great movie. It had some nudity and it was rated X. There was some bad language, but it was a very good movie. In fact, I’m gonna tell my friends how good it was. I was so blessed that I was able to see that movie and take my girlfriend there. Then, when we went home, my girlfriend I had sex. I am so blessed. The Lord is so good to me.

My ex-girlfriend called me the other day and said the abortion was a success. I was so worried about having to be obligated to pay child support, but, thank God, the abortion was a success. I won’t have to pay any child support. Lord, thank you for blessing me. I am so fortunate.

Speaking of child support, the other day, I received a phone call from the state saying that I owe back child support to my ex-wife. I haven’t seen her in 10 years. They asked for child support for my 2 daughters. I haven’t paid any child support. Why me Lord? Why does all this happen to me? But thank you, Lord, at least, they won’t be able to get any money from me because I’m on welfare. You can’t get blood from a Stone.

The next day, I saw this ad on TV about sandwich called the Diablo for only $6.66. What a great deal and I love spicy food so I tried it. It was delicious. I’m telling all my friends about it. Fact is, while it’s on sale for only $6.6, I’m gonna buy as often as I can. God is so good.

Speaking of money. The Lord has helped me find a way to get extra money without having to pay taxes or lose my welfare. I sell pot on to make a little money so I an get high and go to the strip club a couple of times a week. I am so blessed.

By the way, I belong to a political party. That is such a good party. I am so fortunate that God blessed me by getting me into that party. Our candidate is supporting abortion and homosexuality. I am going to be voting for him because we’ve got to make our party strong. You know God wants me to vote for this party because this is the best political party. I am blessed to be part of it.

 My next door neighbor has a son that is a transvestite a nd he just won the state woman’s 200 yard sprint for girls in high school. What a great accomplishment. We are so proud of him for winning this State championship. God is so good.

This same neighbor also has a 13 year old daughter that is a knockout.  She is so good looking that I took her to the movie the other day. It was the same movie I took my girlfriend o see. It had the nudity in it and everything. She kind of warmed up to me. I would love to have her as a girlfriend. She is really good looking. I am so blessed to have a neighbor that has 2 daughters like that. Well, actually, a daughter and a son. The Lord is so good to me.

I am so blessed that I am a Christian and saved. Just follow my example and accept the Lord as your Lord and Savior so you can be blessed also.

This is a satire. It is something to think about.

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